ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? (or “Communicating So They Will”)
July 15, 2009
“TO WHOM AM I SPEAKING?”
With a background in marketing, communication and branding, I’ve been programmed in the cardinal commandment of the trade: KNOW THY AUDIENCE. Resistance was futile. But I learned that the only effective marketing messages are those specifically written for the exact person they know is listening and who will act on the information presented. The messages are carefully crafted to meet the potential customer’s needs… to help them hear… to make them WANT to listen.
What if we applied this same thinking when communicating with our colleagues… significant others… employees… kids… bosses…? Would they listen and hear us if we tailored our messages in the same way a marketeer crafts unique selling propositions? “So simple!” we rejoice! But is it that simple? Perhaps it can be…
The challenge is, life is busy, chaotic, complicated. I know what you’re thinking now, “There’s no time for the art of messaging in real life. Why can’t people just get it the first time? Sheesh, I hate having to repeat myself. Pay attention! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?” Ahhh, and so, we tend to communicate in a style that is natural for us… in the way that we need to hear information. Trouble with that is the receiver of our intended brilliant information has tuned out in 3.2 seconds… or less… if they don’t need to hear it in the same way we do.
So, how do we get them to really listen?
For starters, put on the empathy hat and take some notes. Pay attention to how they communicate for clues on how to get them to listen to you:
The Detailer
Know someone whose powers of observation amaze when they can report back the last detail of a report presented in yesterday’s staff meeting? The remember and want to discuss the intricacies of the data and why the suggestions will (or won’t) help the team reach it’s goals. The also tend to ask lots of questions, especially “Why?” When communicating with this curious fellow, give them all the details, data points, facts and figures you can come up with. Cite sources whenever possible to build credibility. End every interaction giving them an opportunity to ask you as many questions as they need to to fully understand. You may be surprised at how many more details you actually did know once they ask the right questions.
The Systematizer
Know someone who will not jump around or ahead when reporting the details of any event, big or small? They will probably also have the closet organized by season and color and the alphabetically arranged spice rack. When communicating with this person, understand that sequenced information helps them follow what you’re saying. Take a breath, and start from the very beginning (a very good place to start), give the events in exact order in which they have happened or are intended to. They may have some keen ideas on how to make that process even better.
The Improvisor
You know the one… Tangent is her middle name. Wings every conversation, every meeting, every interaction. Reports thoughts as they come… and oh boy do they come. Capture their attention fast and get to the point ASAP! Tell them the end first then give them a chance to ask a few questions about why and how you arrived there. And for sure never leave out what you predict will happened next. Then be ready for a brainstorm of ideas, thoughts, suggestions from them in return.
The Builder
Remember your friend who, after surviving a minor collision earlier in the day, reported the event back to you over dinner at your favorite eatery… “OK, so this pink sugar packet is my car… this blue one was the guy behind me… the salt shaker is that tree, you know that one at that intersection? So I’m driving along and stop at the light [drives pink packet close to the salt shaker] and this guy slams right into me [rams blue sugar packet into the back of the pink one]. I skidded and came this close [pink packet now dangerously close to the salt shaker] from hitting that tree!” Draw this one picture, maps, anything to model the “thing” you want them to understand. In this case, a picture is worth many more than 1000 words.
WHY BOTHER?
Number one, they might actually listen. And, frankly, it’s always nice to be heard.
Then they might actually engage in the conversation, and you may just be amazed at what you can come up with together. Ideas, solutions to problems, improvements… the sky’s the limit!
For me the most important reason: When you speak to another human being in a way that is relevant and meaningful to them, they know you really care. Maybe not on a conscious level. But they know.
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